The Weathered Wanderer
Sheep and Trust:
Trust is easily broken and hard to regain, both in sheep and in people.
As a person who has grown up on a farm with about 40 head of sheep, it’s very, very easy for a shepherd to break the trust of the flock. Once broken, it takes a long time for them to trust again. Sheep also have a very well-defined sense of smell, to the point that if you leave your coat in the field, they will go around it if your smell is now related to danger.
Instinct and Discernment:
Sheep can sense danger through instinct; Christians have spiritual discernment, but often ignore it.
Sheep can perceive danger without experience, and so can you. At one point, early in life, I was learning to tan leather because I wanted to know how. Our small farm was a long way from the national forest, so the Sheep we had had never experienced certain types of dangers. One year, a friend decided to drop off a frozen bear hide from last year’s hunt in the hope that I could tan it.
I tossed it into a barrel of water for several hours to thaw the hide. Pulling it out, the smell quickly found the sheep who were resting in the shade not far away. In the blink of an eye, they were up and running. They bolted through a fence to the back of the property. Although they were born and raised on the farm, with zero experience with bears. They correctly perceived a danger and removed themselves.
Many Christians, filled with the Holy Spirit, have this same ability, but it’s been culture and other factors that have overruled the gift of discernment of spirits.
Compassion:
Sometimes, compassion may require a firm hand
“Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way, there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” Luke 15:3-7
I have wondered about this scripture. Notice the Lord calls the lost one a sheep and not a lamb. A sheep is older than a lamb; it’s an adult. Normally, you would attach a rope and lead the animal out. But if it’s stubborn or full of fear, you will need other options. In this case, the man put him on his shoulders.
The same species of sheep 2000 years ago is that was in the Middle East is still there today. This means he put 100 to 200 pounds on his shoulders and carried the sheep out over rough terrain. This does not sound like a sheep glad to see him. Because of this, he most likely had to tie the feet together to prevent the animal from escaping. This shows care and concern when it would have been easier just to walk away.
Sometimes Christians who have been hurt by leadership NEED someone to go after them, I did. You will never be the same as you once were before you ran away from the pain. You will, in time, with care and concerned people, become wiser. Your steps will slow, and you will ponder the words and actions of leaders around you a little more. That’s normal. What we once rushed to be a part of, we stop and observe with a new degree of respect and wisdom.
Fear vs. Wisdom:
Fear can disguise itself as spiritual wisdom, leading to mistakes and ongoing hurt.
In time, wounds become scars, and after a while, even the tenderness fades away, leaving you with just a memory, so you move on. As you wander past various congregations, you ponder the activity inside. Your mind bounces back and forth between that naive wonder you once felt and the knowledge of how so many places really operate.
Fear is a powerful, addictive force, and it is one of the most powerful enemies we will ever face. Through it, we justify all our impulses. Like a sheep in wolves’ clothing, fear has often masqueraded in believers’ souls as “wisdom from the Holy Spirit.” This has led many to wrong decisions, spiritually, politically, and personally, even in families. Like sheep blasting through a fence at any cost, even though the bear had been dead for over a year. We will jump, scream, and holler at anything. On the other hand, it is our lack of discernment that also justifies giving grace to people the Lord would rather have us walk away from.
Healing Process:
Recovery from the betrayal of Spiritual Leadership takes time.
Is it fear or wisdom that keeps the wounded from taking the next step? The truth is, you and I need time, time in the presence of the one who made us. For the sting of words and actions to mellow so that something better can rise up in your heart again.
The qualities of the spirit take time to grow, things like Love, Grace, Hope, and yes, Discernment. So in time you can re-trust, but with wisdom. You can love, but with insight.
Lasting Impact:
The pain from wounded trust or betrayal is deep and not easily resolved with simple answers.
I recently listened to Justin Perry on his podcast platform speak about this, saying that this is a special type of hurt people endure. And it is this betrayal of leadership that leaves a mark not unlike the grief of a person who has died. Or the breaking of things like relationships that can never be fixed. The emotional loss is very similar.
It’s a part of you that was willingly given, entrusted to something that claimed to be Holy, that can never be returned to you. It rips, it tears, and it leaves a wound, and you feel the loss. And because so many within the protected walls of Christendom are ready to spring forth and offer glib, canned religious answers. The Lost, Hurt, and Lonesome still stand in the rain, outside the gates, alone.
