Jacob's Limp
The Lord's Wounded Saints
In our world, everything is measured by what happens, what we do, what we have not done, and what we have created. In many ways, the culture of Christianity's biggest by-product is wounded saints. Some groups and denominations seem to produce little while others seem abundant. If you have never known the sting of betrayal, lies, and deception then I say congratulations. If however you are in the latter group, you have my sympathy, for you have unfortunately joined a silent, growing group.
I understand, and I can honestly say that I never thought I would be a member of such a group. The qualifications for membership to such a group are pain, betrayal, and loss of what all you thought you knew. Within the halls of this silent membership, we understand the looks we get from those who do not know. Non-members who love to quote scripture to you like a sword, beating you up a bit more to convince you to come back into the fold. Unfortunately from this place of self-imposed isolation, your options are limited. You can either completely walk away from God, as many have done. Or you can gather what you have and cautiously try again. Some have done this, to sit quietly in the back, to conform to social norms. Meanwhile, the wounds remain unhealed.
But for some of us, there is the third option, we live in the moment between what is “believed we should do,” and the safety of the desert. The desert is a strange place, and I can honestly tell you that sometimes you can fall in love with the stillness. But the desert is not the place of abundance we have been called to. If we think about this, we know it, but often that matters very little because it has now become a safe place.
For a long time, I said little on this subject of spiritual abuse after leaving MorningStar ministries. Eventually, I did say a little in a few places. All the while holding back the name of the place I worked, out of some misguided thoughts. But various events and the presence of the Holy Spirit have continued to move me forward. So I am choosing to get more brave. So if you have been reading for a while and you are wondering when is this guy is going to stop and just leave this subject alone. Well, hopefully never. I will continue to speak about many groups and hopefully show Christ’s current purpose in all these events, so that the wounded may have Hope. While hopefully writing about a more biblical form of Leadership.
I have often wondered for years when I attended non-charismatic churches the Lord would have me keep talking about spiritual gifting. But then when I attended Charismatic churches I would be speaking about the poor, the wounded, and caring for people. I now realize that the Lord has always been drawing me to the middle, the balance between extremes.
Jacob
In the book of Genesis Jacob had quite the journey. He ran away from home and got stuck for many years in his uncle’s house, who deceived him. Both of his wives talked him into sleeping with other women, adding to the tension. Eventually, he got out after much turmoil to find himself standing before the Lord. I think he was most likely seriously desperate enough in his personal life, to engage with the Lord at any cost in a wrestling match to acquire a blessing. This of course left him with a permanent limp. A marker to remember this moment for the rest of his life.
I know for myself I have experienced some of that in my life. Many of the broken have had similar experiences. We all in some ways have faced struggles, perhaps we have even been backed into corners with the only way out being a blessing from God. So, with a bit of a limp, we all start looking at the world around us in a different light.
Some groups are calling this, “deconstruction.” Meaning a personal reevaluation of our core beliefs. Unfortunately, some have deconstructed so far that they have tossed everything out the window and just walked away from the faith to follow other faiths.
For myself, I remember the day when I finally started driving away from MorningStar, my mind was already going down the road of “Now what?” I had dedicated 15 years to this ministry in one form or another, was it all a waist? To what foundation do I fall back to?
It took a few days of driving, and some potential tire problems as we drove to Casper Wyoming. But during this, I asked myself, do we go back to a more Vineyard-like foundation, Baptist or what? Eventually, I had to learn to be content with not having an answer as the months passed. Eventually, I had to learn to let go, one piece at a time
In time the Lord moved us back to North Idaho from our temporary home in Wyoming, this was a part of the healing process as the Lord brought us together with a small group who loved us back to life and into ministry again. Are we 100% back, no, but that’s ok.
Years ago I was told something interesting from a former boss. “North Idaho and Alaska are the two most common places people go to hide.” Our little fellowship here in North Idaho is made up completely of the wounded. It is a language we all understand and as a result, we are more willing than other groups to dump tradition for whatever we feel the Holy Spirit is asking of us. Are we the only ones? No, I have already heard stories from others so bad, so burnt that these people flinch at the very thought of even walking into anything resembling a fellowship. And to those people, we pray grace in the hopes that one day the Holy Spirit will bind up their wounds for the next step.
You see, God is in the process of restoring a Biblical community. But to do that he has to bring down the former system, he has to expose Babylon before the eyes of his Body so that they will leave it. It will hurt, we have served the system out of dedication to the Lord, not realizing what was under the carpet. If you are surprised by my use of the word “Babylon” in connection with the Church, then obviously the Lord has not opened your eyes yet. And if that’s the case let me suggest my book, “My Fathers House” to help open your eyes.
Like Jacob, many of us have run away to fall into something that took a long time to get out of. But in leaving the old we have taken away both the good and bad things of that former life. Regardless if you're coming out of the Southern Baptists, Catholic, Lutheran, or charismatic groups like MorningStar, IHOP, or Bill Johnson's Bethel Church. Your pain is held in the hands of the God of Grace who had to force you out the door.
Jesus is building new and better, but like in the days of Nehemiah and Ezra who had to use burnt and broken stones to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Jesus is rebuilding anew by using your broken and burnt lives. He is building an army of wounded to defend the broken refugees the religious hall monitors and the deceptive pastors who are currently raping the flock.
Now for some of you, I can imagine that you would think my wordage is a bit harsh. There was a day I would have agreed with you. But let me say this, soft and fuzzy words have failed this generation. Jesus, the Prophets, and the Apostles all used strong and very pointed words at times to make a point. So if we are to move toward a restored Biblical community, perhaps we should move and walk like they did.
Jesus our Pattern to Follow.
And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. ”Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant, and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him. He began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” Luke 4:17-21
Jesus is our pattern to follow in this life. It was Paul who said, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” 1 Cor 11:1. In saying this, the Apostle was setting forth a major requirement for not only leadership but the body as well. Everywhere Paul traveled he tried to live a life worthy of following so that those people would teach, by example to the next generation. This is why the body is totally justified biblically in walking away from leaders whose lives are so filled with evil. This also sets the bar for leaders, and why they should not be pushed out the door after getting a theology degree to pastor a church.
This is where some of the things I have learned from studying the early forms of Celtic Christianity would be wise to follow. Before embarking on such a task, a leader needs to spend serious time alone in the presence of God, seeking transformation of the heart. By building this personal foundation, and not departing from it, those who the Lord gathers to you will benefit from what He has built within you. Otherwise, all they will gather is human wisdom. A culture, built around the presence of God, encircled by a Spirit of Holiness can go far, it has historically been proven.
You who now walk with a limp, you need a place of like-minded believers to learn to rest in the presence of the Lord with. This is your well of healing. You will always, like Jacob have the limp, but without the pain... it will become your point of contact to the rest of the scattered sheep.
A Better Set of Measuring Sticks
Let’s break Luke 4:17-21 down since Paul is saying to follow him
as he follows Jesus, then let’s look at what I would call Jesus’s own guidelines for ministry.
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
Is the Spirit of the Lord on you? I mean do you know it? I am not talking from some theological mindset or check box, but something measurable that you know deep within. If not, then follow the way of the ancient Celtic leaders and spend time in the Lord's presence until you know it.
Many see this as a point of preaching, so please reframe your thinking process. The key word here is “Proclaim” as in to make a declaration. If you're still having trouble, mentally with this concept as opposed to preaching. Then I suggest reading a copy of the Declaration of Independence. P.S. You can not give independence to someone if you don’t have it for yourself first. So I would go back and revisit line “A.”
There are prisoners everywhere, chances are they are in the checkout line before you. Prisoners are not just outside the church walls but in it. This will require taking your fear to the cross because fear will always keep you from making bold moves. If you keep struggling with fear or any other addiction, then I would go back and revisit line “A.”
This is the Charismatic part that so many non-charismatic have built theological walls around, protecting themselves away from such things. But there is another type of blindness. Blind to the corporate Babylonian church system that so many are in. As much as some people want, you can not just reach up and yank the bandaids off people’s lives. This pain sometimes drives people away and into greater degrees of self-defense.
Oppression is defined as, “malicious or unjust treatment of, or exercise of power over, a group of individuals, often in the form of governmental authority or cultural opprobrium.” This is where patience and love is required, this is where theological correctness needs to take a back seat as guiding them away from oppressive systems is better. These saints are battered and they will need time and people under such pressure are often reactive in nature, not proactive. There will be time for teaching, rebuilding, and such things, but not in the middle of a war zone.
You need to proclaim this to yourself first, you need to get it down deep in your soul. Wounded people often know the difference between theory and life. The Life of Christ in you will draw the wounded, not theories. Remember the words of Jesus were regarded as life to the people, if your words do not at least show a shadow of this reality. Then I would suggest going back and revisiting line “A.”
Psalm 68:6
“God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing, but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”
Like Jacob, you have been living in Laban’s house physically, but spiritually living on the outside. In effect, you are an Orphan without a home, now wandering the desert. The good news is God will not leave you alone, for his solution to Orphans is not a system of rules, but a home. A healthy spiritual deconstruction is to hit the reset button and dump all the cookies and viruses out of your system. And then rebuild on a Christ-alone lifestyle. This lifestyle will be dangerous to the outside, but that is where you will see the most growth.
Other previous Substacks related to this topic.
Revivals, Outpourings, and Janitor Service
I can relate to a lot of this. I'm so glad I took a year or so after I became a believer and read the Bible through from beginning to end before I started going to church. That was almost 20 years ago now. Then, at that church, I learned about Calvinism, but not in a good way. It's been a journey, that's for sure.